Parents - Frequently Asked Questions

1. How do I talk to my child about sex?
2. At what age should I initiate discussions about sex and other risky behaviors with my child?
3. If my child asks questions about sex, should I assume he/she are engaging in sexual activity?
4. Where can I get good information on teenage sex and other risky behaviors?
5. Why don't you recommend contraceptives for teenagers?
6. How widespread is teenage sex, pregnancy, and STDs?
7. What type of sex education is my child getting in school, and is it enough?
8. What should I tell my teenager about dating, relationships, sex and love?

1. How do I talk to my child about sex?
The most important things in talking with children about sex are to relax and be prepared. Kids today know a lot about sex even before we think they do, but you still know more about the subject than they do. Openly communicating your morals, values and expectations regarding your child's sexual activity is key to establishing a good long-term dialogue with your child. Your ability to listen without judging and being an approachable parent/adult will allow your child to feel comfortable sharing his/her concerns, observations and questions with you. Listening also helps you to gain a better understanding of what your child really wants to know and what they understand already. Above all, know that kids want to get their information about sex, relationships and intimacy from you more than any other person in their lives and doing so makes them more likely to abstain. Knowing correct information is important. For example 40% of newly infected with HIV are between 15-24 years of age. HIV AIDS Policy (Fact Sheet Kaiser Foundation, 2007.) (See also 10 Tips for Talking to Your Children About Sex.)

2. At what age should I initiate discussions about sex and other risky behaviors with my child?
Starting early is the best approach as kids are exposed to tough issues at increasingly early ages, oftentimes before they are ready to understand or deal with them. Parents should be the first persons to address these issues with their children before friends, peers, the media and others instill them with information that may be incorrect or conflicts with your values and beliefs. Provide age appropriate answers that give enough information to satisfy your child in terms he/she can understand, but avoid overwhelming them with too much information. The key point here is to begin early and keep dialoguing with your child into young adulthood and beyond. Also, resist the urge to jump in with advice or interrupt when your teen is talking and avoid giving lectures and "the third degree". The goal is to set up a comfortable and trusting environment that encourages your child to come to you for information, advice and two-way communication. Remember, you must begin at a young age discussing issues of sexual abuse. Young children should know that no one has the right to touch them in their private areas.

3. If my child asks questions about sex, should I assume he/she are engaging in sexual activity?
Not at all. Often, children are more curious than anything else. They are barraged by sexual images and risky behavior on TV, the Internet, the radio and in the movies, all which make teen sex and unmarried sex seem normal and expected in our culture. Take advantage of them asking you about sex as an opportunity to convey your feelings about sex and what you expect of them. If they have already been sexually active, this is a good time to talk about renewed abstinence and the value of starting over in their commitment to abstaining from sex until marriage.

4. Where can I get good information on teenage sex and other risky behaviors?
The Internet has a variety of quality sites that contain accurate and appropriate information about sex and related risk behaviors that adolescents tend to engage in. Some that we recommend are:

• The Institute for Youth Development
• The Medical Institute for Sexual Health
• The Campaign for Our Children
• The National Institutes of Health
• The Centers for Disease Control
• The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy
• The Heritage Foundation
• Not Me, Not Now
• It's Up to Me

5. Why don't you recommend contraceptives for teenagers?
Sexual abstinence is the healthiest and wisest choice for adolescents. Sex comes with emotional, physical, social, legal, and financial responsibilities. A person who chooses to wait to have sex until marriage can avoid bringing a child into the world that they are not ready to care for and love, and can avoid sexually transmitted diseases which can have lifelong negative effects. Contraceptives are not 100% effective in preventing pregnancy or STDs, and they cannot protect a person's feelings. Condom failure rates (breakage, slippage, incorrect and inconsistent use) are higher for adolescents than adults, thereby resulting in higher rates of unplanned pregnancies and STDs among teenagers who use them. While condoms have been proven to be highly effective at reducing the risk of HIV/AIDS if used correctly every time, they only afford some protection from STDs such as gonorrhea and chlamydia, and limited protection from HPV and other STDs spread by skin to skin contact such as herpes and syphilis. Oral contraceptives (birth control pills) are not perfectly effective in preventing pregnancy either and they do nothing to protect from sexually transmitted diseases. In addition, in most states, it is illegal for young teenagers to engage in sexual activity.

6. How widespread is teenage sex, pregnancy, and STDs?
Even though teen sexual intercourse is on the decline overall, many teenagers are involved in sexual activity. The United States has the highest teen¹ pregnancy and birth rate in the western industrialized world. Thirty-one percent of adolescent girls² become pregnant before the age of 20, resulting in nearly 750,000 teen pregnancies each year³. Eighty percent of these pregnancies are unintended⁴ and 79% are to unmarried teens. Since only about one-third of teen mothers complete high school and 80% of them end up on welfare⁴, the cost to society is staggering. Some estimates say the cost to society of teens 17 years of age and younger having children is $29 billion annually. This figure does not include the cost of detecting and treating sexually transmitted diseases and their consequences. Approximately four million teens get a sexually transmitted disease each year (CDC).

1. Hoffman, Saul, PhD (2006), By the Numbers: The Public Cost of Teen Child Bearing. Washington, DC: The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.

2.National Campaign to prevent Teen Pregnancy Analysis Data (2006)

3. The Guttmacher Institute (2006). U.S. Teenage Pregnancy: Statistic National and State trends by race Ethnicity. NY. Guttmacher Institute.

4. Henshaw, SK. (1998) Unintended Pregnancy in the U.S., Family Planning Perspectives.

7. What type of sex education is my child getting in school, and is it enough?
Sex education programs and curricula vary widely and differ even within school districts. They can be as minimal as reproductive anatomy lessons in science class to comprehensive sex education programs with information not only about pregnancy, STDs and contraception, but offering information on sexual technique as well. The UTHSCSA Sex Education Program believes abstinence is the healthiest choice for teens. Is what your child learns in school enough? Not in our opinion. Parents/significant adults in a child’s life are the key influencers in what position your child will adopt regarding his/her sexual activity. In fact, a teen’s commitment to abstinence is most influenced by knowing his/her parent’s viewpoints on their sexual behavior. Teens want to hear from you on sexual issues and for you to show them what good, responsible relationships look like.

8. What should I tell my teenager about dating, relationships, sex and love?
Establish standards of acceptable sexual behavior with your teens by using open communication and by setting an example for healthy relationships. Set the expectation that they postpone dating as long as possible and make sure that girls do not date boys older than they are. Dating older boys often leads to early sexual activity by girls with predictable problematic outcomes. Encourage group dating so that your teens have supportive friends and peers around them. Talk to them about love and sex and let them know they are not the same thing. Discuss the reasons teens find sex so intriguing and on their minds a lot of the time. Don't forget to talk about how great sex is within the context of committed love and marriage. Let them know why they should wait to have sex and how premarital sex can detract from a strong relationship and a future great sex life.