Advice Scenarios

These advice scenarios have been prepared to help you understand some of the problems many teens face every day regarding sexual activity. The answers provide suggestions on how to handle these situations. By having a Prevention Plan, teens can avoid many of these circumstances before they arise.

I met this girl at a party last year and we had sex that night. She just called me and told me that she had a baby and it's mine! She said I have to pay child support. I didn't even know about the baby and maybe it isn't even mine. Do I really have to pay for this baby? I'm only sixteen. I don't have a job. I spend all my time at soccer practice.
— Matt N.

Matt:
The first thing you need to do is take a paternity test. If the test is positive, you are required by law to pay child support for the baby until he/she is eighteen years old. It does not matter if the father is unaware of having a child for any amount of time; he is still bound by law to pay child support. If you don't have a job, the judge may order you to get one.

I have been having oral sex with my boyfriend of a year. He's been pressuring me to go all the way, but I don't really want to. He says that since we've gone this far, I might as well do it. Am I not a virgin any more? What should I say to him?
— Jill

Jill:
We define virginity as not having any type of sex at all, whether it is oral, vaginal or anal. Abstaining from all sexual contact is the healthiest choice for everyone. STDs can be transmitted through physical contact and certain bodily fluids. Herpes is just one of the STDs that can be transmitted through oral sex. Herpes is a permanent disease and is very often spread unknowingly. As far as your boyfriend, if his pressure continues to make you uncomfortable, tell him that your health is the most important thing to you and abstinence from all sexual contact guarantees that you do not contract an STD. If he still persists you may want to reevaluate having a relationship with someone who thinks it is OK to risk your health and not respect your wishes.

I heard a rumor that my ex-boyfriend had sex with a girl from another town that had sex with the whole football team. I heard that one of the football players has HIV. Am I at risk?
— Melony

Melony:
Yes, any person who has engaged in sexual contact is at risk for all STDs, including HIV. You need to find out if your boyfriend had sexual contact with her before he had sexual contact with you. If so, the risk is greater. The more sexual partners a person has, the greater the risk. The best thing to do is for you and your boyfriend to get tested. There are free confidential clinics in major cities, or your family doctor can test you.

One of my friends is sexually active and is always going to parties on the weekends. She told me that sex is so much better when she is drunk. Is having sex under the influence bad for you?
— Elizabeth

Elizabeth:
Having sex is a risky act in itself, but when combined with other risky behaviors, such as taking drugs or drinking alcohol, sex can become even more complicated. When under the influence, it is difficult to think clearly, which could lead to having sex and ultimately contracting an STD or becoming pregnant. In addition, sex under the influence could result in rape. You should encourage your friend to quit engaging in these acts and remind her of the problems that can result from them.

I was recently out on a date with a guy that I know, and he took me to a park to look at the stars. Things were great at first, and then he pushed himself on me and started to try to take off my clothes. I told him no, but he wouldn't stop. We ended up having sex, but I didn't want to do it. Did he rape me?
— Maria

Maria:
If you did not consent to having sex with him, then you have been a victim of rape. Many girls believe that rape has to occur with someone they do not know; however, many times the rapist is a friend, relative or acquaintance. If you have not done so already, you need to tell your parents or a trusted adult. They can assist you in seeking immediate medical attention and contacting the police. If you cannot talk to your parents, notify your guidance counselor or a close friend of the family. It is important that you take action against this young man so that he does not repeat his actions with you or other girls.

I'm 15 and my boyfriend is 20. He's been pressuring me to have sex with him, but I'm not sure I'm ready. I don't want him to break up with me. What should I do?
— Tabitha

Tabitha:
First of all, because you are still considered a minor by law, it is illegal for your boyfriend to engage in sexual activities with you. If you choose to ignore the law, he could face charges of statutory rape in some states. Dating boys your own age is always a better option for girls as often times older boys pressure younger girls to have sex.